These days, a man often pulls away from a woman just when she thinks things are going great between them. She’s decided he’s “the one,” and he stops texting out of the blue. It’s a very common dynamic, and it causes many women confusion and heartache.

Why does this happen?

1. Our culture no longer supports women in saying no” to sex. Sexual relationships often develop quickly, and many women go ahead and get sexually involved without the commitment they want. This leaves them vulnerable to guys who just wanted sex all along or guys who aren’t looking for a relationship.

2. Men fall in and out of love faster than women do. Getting sexually involved quickly can be a big problem if the man you’re involved with likes the chase, which many do. The chase doesn’t last very long anymore, and once they’ve “caught” you, they may not be so certain about being with you. This isn’t true for all men-some men may just need their space after sex.

3. Women often underestimate how attached they will feel when they have sex with a new man. Women today think “protection” means condoms and birth control pills. They don’t think about protecting their hearts. The truth is that we’re built for attachment. We’re simply no longer honoring the way we’re built.

4. A woman is likely to feel insecure after sex without commitment. That’s because she has no idea where she stands with him. And when she tries to get reassurance at that point, it’s not great timing. He wants his space, and she’s feeling needy. When she texts and calls him too much when he wants space, he’s just going to pull away more.

So what can you do about it?

1. Slow down. When you start dating a guy you really like, it can be easy to jump right into the relationship. But how well do you really know him? Take the time to get to know each other before you get sexually involved. That allows you to learn what type of man he is and if he also wants a committed relationship, or if he just wants sex.

2. Honor the way you are built. Does having sex with a man make you feel attached, even if it’s “casual”? Do you tend to feel insecure about the relationship after you take that step? If so, accept that casual sex is not good for your emotional health, and don’t try to talk yourself out of how you feel. Many women today think, “What’s wrong with me that I get so attached?” But we are built for attachment. If you aren’t sure where you stand or you don’t know if sex makes you feel attached, protect your heart. Don’t have sex without the commitment you want. Before you even think of having sex, ask yourself these three questions. If he does need space after you have sex, you’ll be less likely to feel insecure about it if you know where you stand with him.

3. Have your own life. Sometimes we get attached to a man before we really know him. Dating someone new is exciting, and it can be easy to get caught up in the possibilities. But if you’ve decided he’s “the one” and he thinks you’re just getting to know each other, you leave yourself vulnerable to heartache if he disappears. Don’t devote all of your attention and energy to him. Make time for your friends, family, and hobbies. Remember you’re free to date others if you don’t have a commitment. Staying busy will help you keep the relationship in perspective, and it may protect you from getting hurt if he does pull away.

Are you pushing him away and don’t know it? Find out how you might be and what you can do about it.

Have you ever been surprised when a guy you felt a strong connection with pulled away? What happened? I’d love to hear from you. Please share your comments below and on Facebook and Twitter.

You can do this. Join the revolution. Be your own Brand of Sexy and get what you want.

Originally published at on June 26, 2015.

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