Use Your Inner Voice to Get What You Want in a Relationship

Dr. Susan Edelman
5 min readApr 15

People give you clues and signals all the time that tell you whether it will be easy or hard for you to be in a relationship with them. When it comes to dating, sometimes you may miss those signs or overlook any warning of trouble ahead. Hindsight is 20–20, but it can be very painful to rehash and dissect your failures in love. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to predict whether you can get what you want in a relationship before your heart is broken? It’s possible.

Your critical inner voice guides you in a relationship.It’s that nagging little concern that says, “Uh oh. He doesn’t live close by. Will that be a problem?” But when he’s super charming and you really hit it off, you may leave your worry on the back burner. It doesn’t seem all that important. You may tell yourself, “What’s the big deal? People make long distance relationships work all the time. We can do it too.” Rather than bring it up as a potential dealbreaker, you might try to forget all about it. But it’s a problem you really can’t ignore, because it requires discussions and planning to make it work. How can you have dating success when you disregard what you want in a relationship? How often will you see each other? Will you ever live in the same place? Without the answers, you don’t know if this relationship will work for you.

Of course, it’s rare to have the right chemistry and compatibility with a man, so you may be tempted to overlook some warning signs. If you’re lonely, you might be even more likely to throw caution to the wind. Be careful if you’re on the rebound from a breakup. Your judgment might not be as good as usual.

Tapping in to your inner voice can become even more complex if your friends or family are trying to influence you. Whether they are reassuring you that everything is fine when you have misgivings, or they’re trying to scare you about something you aren’t concerned about, it’s not so easy to “trust your gut” when you have mixed feelings, or you’re swayed by other’s opinions.

Here are 5 tips to help you to tune into your inner voice so you can get the relationship you want:

1. Be honest with yourself.

Sometimes the hardest part is just to be aware and honest with yourself that you have reservations. When you…

Dr. Susan Edelman

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