Understanding the Stigma Around Being Unmarried After 40 — Be Your Own Brand of Sexy

Margaret smoothed her dress before walking into her friend’s dinner party. At fifty-four, she felt self-conscious at these gatherings.

“Maggie! Come in!” Susan embraced her. “You look wonderful. Are you seeing anyone special these days?”

Her stomach tightened. “No, not right now,” she answered, hearing a slight apologetic tone in her voice that surprised her.

Inside, couples clustered in the living room with their easy laughter and casual touches. These parties had become draining since her divorce three years ago. The pitying glances, the awkward pauses when couple-talk turned to her, the careful rearrangement of seating — she noticed it all.

At dinner, she spoke less as conversation swirled around couple vacations and joint holiday plans. The evening stretched ahead of her, and she found herself counting the minutes until she could leave.

Later that night, in her place, Margaret kicked off her heels and poured a glass of wine. She used to enjoy these gatherings.

Remember when being single just meant you weren’t dating someone? In your twenties and thirties, nobody blinked. But something shifts when you’re single again in your forties or fifties. Suddenly, your relationship status seems to matter more in social situations.

And it’s not just your imagination. Research backs this up — studies show that single women face increasing scrutiny and stereotyping as they age. It’s as if society assumes that being unpartnered past a certain age means something must be wrong.

Some say singlism — prejudice against single people — affects both genders across age groups. But, the double standard is clear. Men get to be “eligible bachelors” well into their silver fox years. But for women? We’re left with loaded terms like “spinster” or “cat lady.” Where’s our distinguished, desirable equivalent?

The challenges go beyond labels. You’re navigating a world that often seems designed for couples, facing subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) pressure to partner up. Society still raises an eyebrow at women who haven’t “settled down” by a certain age.