Some of the most powerhouse women in the world worry about being single, regardless of how capable and successful they may be. Sprinkle in the odd comment from a stranger, like “do you have a boyfriend?” or “why aren’t you married?” and these wildly intelligent and competent women will throw themselves into a critical frenzy.
This underlying current of pressure makes it more difficult to bounce back when a budding relationship ends, or when a potential partner disappears without a word. Women find themselves wrestling with moot points and unanswerable questions until they feel unhinged.
With concerns mounting over finding a partner, rejection becomes doubly confusing and painful — not that it was a walk in the park to begin with. At a certain point, things start to feel deeply personal, and may even veer into a territory of hopelessness with thoughts like, “why doesn’t he like me?” and “will I ever find the one?”
If you’re wrestling with some of these sensations, here’s a bit of insight to level the playing field: problems with unrequited love are nothing new. For as long as humans have been interacting, men and women have struggled to cope with feelings of rejection, self-doubt, sadness, and confusion when they were forced to say goodbye to a partner that they hoped could be “the one.” This is compounded with each failed relationship as the stress of being single continues to mount.
As counterintuitive as it seems, the more you worry about finding love, the less likely it is to happen. Rather than tensing up with anxiety, here are 5 reasons to decompress from all of stress of being single:
1. Most people find a life partner. Years ago, more than 90% of people got married; marriage rates have dropped in recent years, but it doesn’t mean that fewer people are finding love. More couples are delaying marriage until later in life, and some are foregoing the institution entirely in favor of simply living together as partners. The fact remains that the data is in your favor — if we’re looking at it strictly from the perspective of numbers, chances are you will find someone to spend the rest of your life with.
2. Being single gives you time to focus on what’s important. In the throes of romantic desperation, you might be apt to lock eyes on a tall drink of water with 6-pack abs and a bone structure like a marble statue rather than a genuinely nice guy whose values and goals align with your own. Objectively, it’s easy to see that choosing someone you’re deeply compatible with in areas like communication style and dreams for the future is a far better course of action than selecting a partner based on the circumference of his biceps. When you’re single, you have the time to truly get some perspective on what you’re looking for in a long-term partner rather than a fling.
3. Marriage won’t solve all of your problems. Call it a Hollywood trick or a societal construct, but many of us are primed to believe that our lives will magically become perfect once we’ve got a shiny band on our left hands. The problem is, research indicates that’s not necessarily true; in fact, being in a bad marriage is actually worse for you than simply being alone. It’s certainly true that close, loving romantic relationships can improve your physical and mental health, but that’s a result of a fruitful partnership rather than a rushed marriage. Many married people report feeling lonely, so if that’s a sensation you’re hoping to eliminate through matrimony, staying single until the right one comes along, and investing more energy into close friendships could be a viable alternative.
4. Being single has its advantages. Statistics show that the number of singles in the U.S. is rising — by choice. More and more Americans are staying single and maintaining control over little details like what to have for dinner or what to watch on TV, as well as major life decisions, such as where to live. Being single doesn’t mean living an unfulfilled life, so enjoy the freedom you have in your independent state.
5. You have the opportunity to step outside of your comfort zone. If you’re not challenging yourself, you’re not living; being single is the perfect chance to try new things, brush up on your flirtation skills, or unlearn bad habits. Perhaps it’s time to explore online dating, to read some books that will expand your perspectives, or to finally make time for that therapist appointment you’ve been putting off. Think of being single as a world of limitless potential — use it as an opportunity to grow.
With these reasons to relax about being single in mind, what do you think is the next best step for your love life? Is it time to accept independence? Are you ready to dive into a new type of dating? The safest way to meet someone right now is through online dating with video chats; if you aren’t comfortable with that process just yet, check out my FREE guide, How to Make a Good First Impression Video Chat Dating.
Leave us a comment and tell us how you’re feeling about being single. Are you ready to relax? Are you going to take on a new challenge? Let us know!