Is It Manipulation to Get What You Want from a Man? — Be Your Own Brand of Sexy

Dr. Susan Edelman
5 min readMar 16, 2024

Is trying to get what you want from a man the same as manipulation?

When I suggest that a woman might benefit from some strategies to help her approach dating and relationships, many women feel uncomfortable and conflicted. They say, “I don’t want to play games” or “I don’t want to seem manipulative.”

The ‘strategy’ of doing what works for you is not about manipulation or deceit. You can’t control people.

All you can do is protect yourself and do what’s best for you. You can communicate and try to remain true to yourself and your values.

So don’t worry — if you thoughtfully behave in this way, you’re probably not guilty of manipulation. Here’s an example:

Philip texted Hannah on Friday morning to ask her out for that night. Hannah said, “I would have loved to go out, but I already have plans.” Hannah didn’t really have plans; she just didn’t want to accept another last-minute date with Philip.

If Hannah lies to Philip, is that manipulation to get what she wants?

Hannah’s lie seems more like a white lie than outright manipulation. Manipulation implies an ulterior motive or outright attempt to unfairly influence a man’s behavior for your own benefit. Hannah is…



Dr. Susan Edelman

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