How Self-Doubt can SABOTAGE your Love Life

A major key to enjoying dating and having the relationship of your dreams is when you can find the joy in the moment, not just on dates but in your everyday life, too. It’s difficult to envision that happy future you’re wanting to find with the man of your dreams if you’re stuck in negative self-doubt from the start, however. If you find yourself often thinking along the lines of, “Is he even going to like me?” your date might be picking up on that anxiety and feel like he’s not going to be able to make you happy. He wants to make you happy. If your goal is a second date (or more), addressing these feelings of self-doubt is important. Let’s look at two scenarios.

Scenario One: Jane frantically trades outfits before her big date, not sure if the first outfit she’d chosen presents her at her best. Her date struck her as intellectual. She didn’t quite understand what his line of work was. Now she wonders if she will be able to keep up with him conversationally. He seemed so polished and cultured when they’d messaged earlier. When she finally meets him for cocktails, she wishes she had worn the first outfit she’d changed at the last-minute. Worried that she might say something that sounds foolish, she lets him take over the conversation, nodding and agreeing along with everything and stumbling through answers to his questions. She can see him losing interest, but she doesn’t know how to turn this around.

Scenario Two: Becky decides to wear what makes her feel sexy and confident. Her strappy top and sleek skirt always leave her feeling a little rock-and-roll. She smiles at a woman wearing a pretty dress as she enters the place where she and her date planned on meeting. Her date seemed like a smart guy. She’s excited to learn about what he does for a living; she’d never heard of that career before. When he starts explaining his job to her, she laughs and tells him it’s a little over her head, but it’s so attractive to see someone passionate about what they do for a living. When asked, she talks some about what she does, too. She likes to keep a little bit of her life to herself on dates. Plus, she can see he’s intrigued and wants to get to know her more.

Revisiting Scenario One. What a frustrating night for Jane! If only she could have remembered that she’d been asked out because her date found her intriguing when they first began messaging each other. For so many women, often a lack of self-confidence gets in the way of letting go and having a good time, from worrying about our bodies to knowing what to say.

Being your own Brand of Sexy is about being confident in the skin you’re in. Every inch of you, every hair on your head is you, and you are worthy of being loved! Jane wasn’t confident in her ability to make conversation. This is precisely why I wrote my eBook, What To Say To Men On A Date. This book can help you be yourself by taking away some of the anxiety in “How do I answer this question?” It’s practical advice for just about any situation you might find yourself in. It’s designed to help you get just what you want out of a relationship.

Revisiting Scenario Two. Becky didn’t dress to please her date, she dressed to please herself. As a result, she felt sexy and confident, two attributes men find enticing. She wasn’t worried about not knowing intimate details about what her date did for a living and instead used the opportunity to learn something new. Because of all this, she was able to have a terrific night out.

Finding out what your Brand of Sexy is can be life-changing for many women, bringing them a sense of confidence they didn’t know before. The happier you are with yourself, the more present you are with your partner. The more you can let go and enjoy yourself! You can get a FREE excerpt of my multi-award-winning book Be Your Own Brand of Sexy: A New Sexual Revolution for Women and learn how to be yourself on a date and get what you want from men.

Let yourself have fun. Learn how to curb the cycle of negative self-doubt and focus on making dates a fun experience so that you can start getting what you want from men. Be Your Own Brand of Sexy!

Join our growing community of women making progress as they become their own Brand of Sexy here, on Facebook, and on Twitter. You can do this!

Originally published at on October 20, 2016.

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