How Do You Figure Out Where Your Relationship Stands? | Be Your Own Brand of Sexy

Dr. Susan Edelman
4 min readOct 12, 2019

In art and literature, the season of autumn represents both maturity and ripeness. Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower.” How do you know whether your relationship with a man will bloom like spring or lead to a cold, lonely winter? You may think the easiest way to find out is to ask. All your friends may tell you to ask him where things stand. If it’s not going anywhere, they may even tell you that you need to ask him for “closure” so you can move on. But is asking a guy where you stand with them ever a good idea?

Another approach to consider is taking a step back and letting him have the opportunity to come to you and to show he’s interested. Will he miss you if you’re gone? If he’s not trying to connect with you in a relatively short period of time, then you have your answer. If he’s not in touch with you in a couple of weeks, then he isn’t that into you. At this point, it’s best to avoid asking anything and move on without him.

Has either of these situations happened to you? Paula and Joan had two very similar outcomes when they talked with the men they were dating to clarify their relationships. Let’s take a look at what happened to Paula first:

Peter decided to try online dating after his marriage ended. When he saw Paula’s picture and profile, he thought she seemed like an interesting person he’d like to get to know better. Paula lived over an hour away from him. But that was OK because he was still getting over his divorce. After they met, Paula really liked him and called him after their first date, hoping to go out again soon. But their dates were infrequent. Peter didn’t seem as enthusiastic about their time together as she’d expected. Because of his behavior, Paula didn’t know where she stood with him. She also wasn’t sure if their relationship had a chance to go anywhere significant. She figured it might take him some time to get over his ex-wife. Since Paula liked him, she decided to be patient and wait. At least, at first. But Paula soon got tired of waiting on Peter to set things up for them to spend more time together. So, she called him and asked him what was going on with them. Where was their relationship going? Paula wondered. When she asked, she didn’t quite get the

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Dr. Susan Edelman

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