Are You Too Picky in Dating? These Signs Say YES!

Dr. Susan Edelman
4 min readAug 6, 2022

There’s a huge difference between holding your potential mates to a high standard and being too picky. If you aren’t meeting anyone interesting, you can torture yourself with the idea that your pickiness is the problem. Keep in mind, that experiencing a dry spell here and there, is normal and doesn’t always mean you’re being too picky. On the other hand, there are situations where you can be too selective, and it isn’t just a lack of options.

Of course, you deserve to get the relationship you want. Sometimes it can take a while to meet your match. If you are over 40 and much more successful than the average person, you may not find your match right away. Having said that, if you feel like you’re settling if you don’t find instant chemistry, movie star looks, a hilarious sense of humor, passionate sex, and a successful career, your standards may be a little unreasonable.

Having standards means not settling for less than what you need to make a relationship really work for you. Being too picky is more like expecting perfection rather than a partner. You don’t want to be so selective that you reject 99% of all men from ever having a chance with you.

Here are the signs that you are too picky:

Sign #1 You are too picky: You turn down a second date if he’s not an instant hit.

When you chalk up a man to being “not your type” after the first date, do you have a good reason why? Is he a little nervous or doesn’t look exactly like your dream man? That’s a problem. Men can be nervous when they like you, especially the first time they meet you. When there is even a little potential, there is no reason you should say “no” to date 2. After two failed dates, you can get a better sense of whether or not this is a dead end or if you just got off on the wrong foot.

Sign #2 You are too picky: You aren’t attracted to the men who pursue you.

You like the men who can’t commit. They are still hung up on their ex or they are too self-centered to be able to make you happy. Maybe they are immature and not ready to settle down, or there is a distance issue. Whatever the flavor of emotional unavailability, none of these men will ever make you happy. Although a little uncertainty is part of the recipe for chemistry…

Dr. Susan Edelman

Want to be one of the women over 40 who gets the kind of relationship she wants from a man? Find out your 7 Secret Advantages